Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, an internationally recognized day for families to honor and remember their babies gone too soon.
As for me, it has been
2 remembrance days
2 awareness months
2 mothers days
520 total days
since my first baby left Earth.
And I’ve thought about, longed for, and missed my baby everyday since.
In some respects, this pain gets easier with time. You find a sense of peace in knowing that your baby is in the best possible place, that your baby never knew pain, that your baby only felt love. But then there are the times it hits you like a train, leaving you crippled in despair and grief.
I miss you my sweet angel. So much. I miss all that we should have done together. I look back fondly to the time we were blessed with your presence. The absolute joy we felt. You made me a mama, a role I had longed for years. You did that. I had promised you that your life would be honored. That something hopeful must come of this pain.
And I hope we are doing a good job by you. I hope I am making you proud.
I’ve been able to connect with so many other moms who are experiencing the same grief. I’ve tried to share God’s love in these conversations. Your daddy had the blessed opportunity to help a grieving colleague whose baby joined you in heaven. We’ve tried to be open and honest about this difficult reality so that others do not feel alone.
Despite all this, today is one of those crippling days. To think that my husband and I are missing out on memories with our child, our children are missing out on memories with their sibling, our parents are missing out on memories with their grandchild, our siblings are missing out on memories with their niece or nephew.
I am spending this remembrance day with my three sons, which adds a whole new level of complexity to what it means to miss my angel Baby Rod.
God, please hold our sweet babies extra close for us today. They are so very loved and missed. I pray you pour out your love and peace upon all families remembering their little ones today (and everyday). This is not an easy path to walk, but I ask you help us do it a little better each day. Help us to find ways to turn our grief into something positive. Thank you for the blessings of our babies on earth and in heaven. Our sweet babies. Amen.
P.S. I say “adopted sons” in my video for the sake of highlighting how God has beautifully woven together our family. But please know they are my sons. Period. 💙