This time last year my heart was incredibly heavy as it was use to being. I was amidst a season of thanksgiving, and to be honest, I found it very hard to be thankful. Each holiday was another reminder of how empty our home felt, of our little baby in heaven.
This time last year it was just me and Steven. And the doggies.
I can’t tell you how many times I avoided family gatherings during the holidays. Or if I attended, my body was present but my mind and my heart were not. I could think only about all I didn’t have, all I wanted, and all my struggles. I could think only about how another year passed, and I still didn’t have any children. It was so hard on my heart to try to appear happy. It was easier to sit in seclusion than try to trick those who know me best.
I was consumed with bitterness, envy, and anger in my heart. So much so that I let it steal all my joy, gratitude, and peace. And I mean ALL of it.
But here we are one year later. A mommy to three on Earth and one in heaven. My prayers answered in abundance.
If someone had told me one year ago that I’d become a mother to four in less than a year, I’d have laughed in their face. My faith was so little.
I am so thankful and grateful to celebrate our first Thanksgiving with our children tomorrow. Little man can’t eat the good stuff, but I’m sure I’ll eat an extra plate just for him.
This Thanksgiving, please don’t be the Alison of last year. Please don’t focus on your struggles or compare yourself to others. Please don’t focus on all you long for and instead, take a moment to think about all the wonderful people and things in your life. Big and small.
I wish I hadn’t wasted a day living with such little faith. I wish I had always approached everyday life with a thankful heart. It’s so hard. It’s so dang hard to see through the thick fog of difficult circumstances.
Of course, in retrospect, it’s easy for me to say all this. I’m not in the same circumstance I was last year. I made it through that hurdle, and I pray that I handle the next major hurdle in life much better. This post is a plea to my future self.
Wishing you a wonderful holiday. No matter what’s on the table, where you’re at, or who you’re with, remember that you are uniquely loved and cherished by a God who sees you, hears you, and knows your desires. A mighty God who sees how far you have come, and who will carry you further than you ever thought you could go. Hold on tight with a thankful heart. Your breakthrough is coming.
That’s something to be grateful for. ❤️